The Queen’s Tears
| January 19, 2012 | Posted by Kelly K @ Writing w/ Chaos under Fiction, Writing Prompt |
“Mama. Tell me ‘boud da pwincess again.” My daughter paused. “Pweas?”
“Sure, honey.” I forced my limbs to move, leaving the unforgiving chair and crossing the room. I scooted onto the bed, her tiny frame a puzzle piece fitting into my side. “Once upon a time there was a very brave princess named Priscilla.”
“Dats my name!” The tubes threading Priscilla’s nose gave her a nasal tone, so unlike the melodic one I was used to.
I tucked a strand of blond hair behind her ear. “That’s right, it is. Princess Priscilla loved to run on the castle grounds, the grass tickling her toes. One afternoon the Princess lost control of her favorite pink ball. Worried it would be lost, she left the safety of the grass for the sharp pebbles of road. A horse ran into her.” I reined in my voice, refusing to let it waiver.
“She needed her momma,” my daughter looked at me, her pain creeping through the morphine.
“She really needed her momma. The Queen heard the crash and ran. She found the Princess lying on the grass – asleep. The Queen needed her princess to wake up so she pulled her magic wand out and waved it over the Princess.”
“Butshedontwakeup,” Priscilla said, mumbling her words, her stained eyelids heavy.
“Not at first. Then the Queen remembered her tears were magical, and began to cry. Her tears ran down her cheeks and fell onto the Princess.”
“Anhereyedopened.”
My tears cascaded onto her head. “A few days passed as The Queen poured her magical tears onto the Princess, but on the fourth day, the Princess’s eyes opened.”
A small snore rose above the beeping machines.
“And now every time the Princess sees the Queen cry, she knows her Mommy is just passing on the magic.”
* * * * * *
“The cure for anything is salt water….sweat, tears or the sea.”
~ Isak Dinesen, pseudonym of Baroness Karen von Blixen-Finecke
If you are going with Fiction, have your character resolve a problem using one of the three (or all three!!!). There are so many ways you can use this prompt so be creative with it, don’t take us where we think you’ll go.
Word Limit is 300.
Concrit is welcomed as always.
Truly beautiful!
Sammie Love recently posted..Tag Line of My Life (Writing on Edge)
Thank you. I haven’t written anything quite like this before so feedback is always appreciated.
Kelly K @ Writing w/ Chaos recently posted..CSI: Motherhood
A powerful post. I’m amazed at your clarity as you jump back and forth from reading the book to actual conversation that’s difficult to master and you did it beautifully here.
I wasn’t sure if I pulled it off, so I’m glad the transitions worked for you.
Thank you so much for the feedback.
Kelly K @ Writing w/ Chaos recently posted..CSI: Motherhood
I really liked the way you wrote the words for the little girl – it made her voice so present and real. There was a knot in my stomach the whole time as I thought about what the “story” was really saying. How awful to see your child hit by a car, I’m assuming, and be in a coma. I don’t know how those tears could ever stop. Great job, hopefully this wasn’t non-fiction.
Thankfully my Lil Diva has never had a strand of blond hair, and I did categorize it as fiction (Red Writing Hood prompts are fiction 99.9% of the time).
It was inspired by the terrifying escape she had one day, and what could have happened, along with visiting a good friend in the hospital for another issue entirely.
Oh, and my love of the new show Once Upon a Time and how it blends the fairy tale world with the real world.
Thanks for the feedback on the girl’s words. I wasn’t sure if spelling it phonetically would be a help or too distracting.
Kelly K @ Writing w/ Chaos recently posted..Please Pass the Flask
Heart crushing and hopeful at the same time. Excellent. The subtly of the hospital vs the impact of the relationship was well balanced, revealing without being graphic. Well done.
shelton keys dunning recently posted..Write On Edge: Salt Water Challenge
Thank you for the feedback. As I said, this was a style I’ve never tried before so I love to hear what worked and what didn’t.
Kelly K @ Writing w/ Chaos recently posted..CSI: Motherhood
This is heart breaking, and I’m so glad it was fiction, for the most part. Not writing fiction for a few weeks but still reading the stories. Very good.
Thank you for taking the time to read. It has been a while since my fictional characters have talked to me.
Kelly K @ Writing w/ Chaos recently posted..Please Pass the Flask
So much going on here!! I love the whimsy that threads through the heartache to make it bearable. Well done!
Venus recently posted..Red Writing Hood: Salt Water
Exactly what I was going for. Thank you for taking the time to let me know.
Kelly K @ Writing w/ Chaos recently posted..False Alarm
This is so well done. I love the way the mother has woven a tale changing tears from something sad into something magical. I know it’s fiction, but you’ve done a great job of making it believable and real.
That is really one of the best compliments you can give for fictional writing – that it is believable and real.
Thank you so much.
Kelly K @ Writing w/ Chaos recently posted..False Alarm
PERFECT!
Thank you!
Kelly K @ Writing w/ Chaos recently posted..Please Pass the Flask
This was heartbreaking but wonderful! I especially liked how you finished the story even though the little Princess fell asleep. Happy that it is fiction though. I love Once Upon A time as well
Gayletrini recently posted..The sea
It’s funny how completely unrelated things can inspire a story. It is what I love about writing.
I am very happy it is fiction.
Thank you for letting me know you enjoyed it!
Kelly K @ Writing w/ Chaos recently posted..False Alarm
My heart is breaking, but this is just so beautiful.
Wow. I’m sort of overwhelmed by the response. I hadn’t thought I was that successful telling a story within a story in 300 words (side note: it took as long to cut 50 words as it did to write it).
Kelly K @ Writing w/ Chaos recently posted..False Alarm
Kelly,
Lovely story, beautiful imagery.
There’s a lot going on in those 300 words. Great job.
Doing it in 300 words was insanely hard.
Thank you for reading!
Kelly, this makes me ache; I don’t want to imagine something so awful, but the way you write the story… it’s really lovely.
CDG recently posted..La Mouette
Adding your comment into the “proof the inner voice is lying” file.
Thank you.
Kelly K @ Writing w/ Chaos recently posted..Autumn is a Myth